tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682312585713348709.post5280629004640573551..comments2024-03-28T04:17:20.834-07:00Comments on The Daily Connoisseur: Let's Talk About Adulting | Teatime with Jennifer The Daily Connoisseurhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13843902889491327636noreply@blogger.comBlogger46125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682312585713348709.post-23973435942380827442017-11-15T10:11:24.897-08:002017-11-15T10:11:24.897-08:00I know this post is a couple of months old but I s...I know this post is a couple of months old but I saw this article from Christine Byrne, Features Editor, in an email from Self that really resonated. I appreciated your post and wanted to share this with you. I couldn't find an article on the magazine's site so here is the quote (bolding is my own): <br /><br />"In my opinion, being an adult is pretty great. Plenty of people reminisce about their carefree college days—waxing poetic (or not so poetic, in the case of most people's college days) about the lack of responsibility and abundance of freedom. I'm not one of those people.<br /><br />"Since college, I've been able to dive deeper into my interests—namely food, health, and fitness—and turn them into a career. I've figured out a work-life balance that makes me happy, and I've established a really solid network of friends from all walks of life. <b>Adulting is all about making choices, then reaping their rewards and learning from their consequences. Don't get me wrong, adulthood isn't easy; grown up things like having a child, buying a house, or starting a business bring tons of responsibility, and mean that your choices suddenly extend far beyond yourself. But, watching your choices slowly add up to something is pretty darn satisfying. The autonomy to build your own life is worth the responsibility that comes with it.</b>"Someone's Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02714559436419646215noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682312585713348709.post-34904585551406400162017-10-02T01:24:44.879-07:002017-10-02T01:24:44.879-07:00I agree with you, it was not as classy as usually....I agree with you, it was not as classy as usually. Zulejkahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06327054941114577526noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682312585713348709.post-78613524023304489582017-10-02T01:19:11.591-07:002017-10-02T01:19:11.591-07:00So on point!So on point!Zulejkahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06327054941114577526noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682312585713348709.post-11100543979447701452017-10-02T01:14:53.767-07:002017-10-02T01:14:53.767-07:00I'm 32 and I had my first child at 26, and soo...I'm 32 and I had my first child at 26, and sooo many of my friends quit all contact with me, too! And not even gradually! Mostly unmarried academics, as well. Zulejkahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06327054941114577526noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682312585713348709.post-63002611305496540092017-09-30T01:20:27.684-07:002017-09-30T01:20:27.684-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.Kaithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15181758836897698992noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682312585713348709.post-79048022771293924712017-09-24T05:43:35.631-07:002017-09-24T05:43:35.631-07:00Oh, I don't know. I agree with you for the mo...Oh, I don't know. I agree with you for the most part, but I was amused because I thought the same thing about you when you posted a video expressing a total inability to deal with a flat tire - at the time all I could think was "What adult woman doesn't call AAA or know how to change a tire?"<br /><br />I suppose we all have adult skills we can improve upon. (and I hope you got a AAA membership).Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15758211474505618515noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682312585713348709.post-38183103916938132612017-09-22T19:40:13.686-07:002017-09-22T19:40:13.686-07:00For the people speaking about being offended about...For the people speaking about being offended about the millennial thing. I really think focusing on this one idea misses the point. Whether millennial bore more of the focus or not, is not the main point. Being easily offended is easy. Looking past something and acknowledging a truth is hard. Many people today of all ages, which Jennifer stated, have a hard time coping with adult responsibilities. That is a fact. That should be the real takeaway of the video as well as what we can do to step up. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682312585713348709.post-38258527162677549082017-09-22T19:37:23.186-07:002017-09-22T19:37:23.186-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682312585713348709.post-67804602974807162492017-09-22T16:30:51.636-07:002017-09-22T16:30:51.636-07:00Jennifer,
How strongly adulting is related to com...Jennifer,<br /><br />How strongly adulting is related to commitment on a marriage,in your opinion ?serenityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13882228035750419861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682312585713348709.post-65681764224121693622017-09-21T11:27:31.292-07:002017-09-21T11:27:31.292-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.KBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17334243631753211923noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682312585713348709.post-83927607692533821082017-09-20T08:55:41.376-07:002017-09-20T08:55:41.376-07:00I'm a married millennial who owns a home, has ...I'm a married millennial who owns a home, has a demanding career as a lawyer, saves for retirement, pays my bills on time and in full, maintains a clean and comfortable home, cooks and feeds myself healthy and nutritious foods, I get dressed in legitimate clothing every day, and do all of the things that are ordinarily expected of adults. And although I generally agree with the sentiment of the video, I found it profoundly offensive to use "millennial" as a shorthand for incompetent adults for a few reasons. First, it's a gross generalization and oversimplification that, in my experience, simply isn't true. My experience of being an adult is not unique among my friends or classmates. Second, I can think of many people across generations that fit this profile. I know you mentioned other generations briefly, but you definitely focused more on the millennial, and given the millennial specific videos linked, it's hard not to feel like you're taking a pot shot at millennials. Third, this video, and the ideas conveyed could have existed without referring to any generation at all. The points you make are valid for anyone who struggles to continually and consistently meet their adult responsibilities, and relying on "millennial" as a shorthand for incompetent adult only distracted from the points you were making. Although I don't disagree with your opinions here, I felt that you were attacking millennials in particular and, in my opinion, unjustly and unnecessarily singling out this one group was in poor taste. It is because you are ordinarily so classy about these type of things that it was even more striking that you were not here. AWThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05229719831264582415noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682312585713348709.post-38728106959620683192017-09-17T17:35:07.156-07:002017-09-17T17:35:07.156-07:00"We don't always agree.... but nobody tak..."We don't always agree.... but nobody takes it personally because we are all adults."<br /><br />I do love this.<br />Also, whomever commented on offense being a sign of the times. A truer word was never spoken! boat peoplehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14544702883523790429noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682312585713348709.post-49704930519293576372017-09-17T09:29:21.905-07:002017-09-17T09:29:21.905-07:00I came back to see if there were anymore comments ...I came back to see if there were anymore comments and wow! This really blew up! For the record (as if someone was keeping one - ha!), I personally have no intentions of unsubscribing from this lovely blog. I still highly respect you Jennifer and am grateful for the inspiration your videos provide me with. Honestly, you're like the refined older sister I never had! That being said, opinions go both ways. It's perfectly acceptable and healthy to disagree on some topics and does not make one defensive, immature, or unwilling to learn and grow. People come from all walks of life and their realities may be far different from others. This is how we develop empathy and perspective-taking; two things that are incredibly chic, in my humble opinion. Hopefully, we can all learn from the different views expressed here and hold ourselves to a higher standard of grace, class, and refinement when tactfully dissenting to a statement we do not agree with. JadeOctoberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01983915197481833004noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682312585713348709.post-54884434619163326552017-09-17T07:43:56.107-07:002017-09-17T07:43:56.107-07:00I would like to chime in here as a 40 yr old sahm ...I would like to chime in here as a 40 yr old sahm with 3 (ages 1, 5, 7). I found this video to be very inspiring, thought provoking and even convicting. Ha! It was definitely good food for thought for all of us no matter the age and I think we could all use the reminder to "embrace your lot in life." <br /><br />Also, my husband is 6 yrs younger than me and he has his masters and was valedictorian of his high school and a presidential scholar. He graduated right at the start of the recession and couldn't find a job in his field. He worked for 3+ years waiting tables at Red Lobster to put food in the table for us and our newborn at the time. It was grueling, humbling and not at all what he thought he would be doing in life. But he did it and he did it with a great attitude. Now, he's a software analyst and those days are behind us but the lessons we learned are not. Humility sticks with you and is a good reminder to be grateful for every opportunity you have in life. Thanks for the post, Jennifer!Laura Gailhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06710007165525665522noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682312585713348709.post-33960143456031295622017-09-16T12:47:52.863-07:002017-09-16T12:47:52.863-07:00I completely agree with Amanda who said that mille...I completely agree with Amanda who said that millenials complaining about being termed this way are in fact showing us that they fall into this category. It seems that millenials love to talk about the recession and how it affected them, but at 36, I can be either a millenial or a Gen Xer, and I cannot believe how a large majority of millenials my age and a little bit younger complain and don't act like adults. Just because the economy is bad, that is not an excuse to entitlement. In fact, I would think it would make someone buckle up and try harder, but that is not what we've seen from this generation. We busted our butts to make it through the recession and now are doing well. I am so tired of people complaining whenever they feel offended, as if somehow we need to not ever say anything that might offend someone; Also something that seems to have come out of the millenial movement. It's ridiculous and someday we may just become a completely bland, neutral society where we can't say anything at the risk of offending. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06274227003889966401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682312585713348709.post-81064879876347392982017-09-16T10:57:20.497-07:002017-09-16T10:57:20.497-07:00Dare I say it Jennifer? Those who are disappointed...Dare I say it Jennifer? Those who are disappointed, offended, not going to follow you anymore because you expressed an opinion they disagree with-right there is a prime example of not being an adult! It's such a part of culture today, we must all think one way or our feelings are hurt and we're parting ways, or getting into arguments on Facebook. I participate in a ladies Bible study, and the women are young and old, rich and poor, many different races from different kinds of churches. and we all express our thoughts freely! We don't always agree, but that's fine-nobody takes it personally, because we are all adults.karenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13855394815629065618noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682312585713348709.post-13241186939132818162017-09-16T09:43:24.802-07:002017-09-16T09:43:24.802-07:00From a millennial linguistic perspective, to compr...From a millennial linguistic perspective, to comprehend this poster truthfully involves understanding the new meaning of the word "can't" as well. After all, we are also responsible for the phrase "I just can't" which usually aligns more closely with "I really don't want to" or "I feel uneqipped to handle" rather than purely "I won't." Of course we can. And we will. But in the moment we would really rather not! <br /><br />I think that's a feeling shared (and modeled!) across generations. My baby boomer mom always kept a perfect house when we were growing up. But as the technology necessitated by her new business has overtaken her spare time, her attitude toward chores has definitely changed to one of resentment. In turn, that makes me more resentful of my own house keeping.<br /><br />What I'm taking away from this is that we could all afford to adopt a different perspective on adulthood, and view our lifetime responsibilities with a professional attitude, as opposed to a despairing one. That's something which could be beneficial for multiple generations, as I think Jennifer herself suggested.inspirsessionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00579184262738042591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682312585713348709.post-59538845907648205262017-09-16T09:35:53.083-07:002017-09-16T09:35:53.083-07:00Dear Jennifer,
What a great conversation topic. ...Dear Jennifer,<br /><br />What a great conversation topic. I, too, saw an "I Can't Adult Today" message on a mug at Charming Charlie's this summer. I thought it was funny, but, as you note, a sign of something more meaningful and troubling. <br /><br />I can't remember whom to credit with this insight, but awhile back I had read that children today no longer long to grow up because there is no mystery left to adulthood. They are privy to information that previous generations were not until much later, either intentionally by well meaning parents or accidentally by media exposure. <br /><br />Also, the perks - you might say incentives? - of adulthood are already given to children. I couldn't wait to grow up! I could set my own bedtime, watch what I wanted to on TV, wear grown up styles of clothing, not have to share a room with my sister. I could go to an R rated movie and dine in those fancy restaurants adults actually took the time to go to with other adults! I could finally learn about all of the things that you were told "you'll understand when you're older." <br /><br />One more thought. The parents of the millenial generation are the first to be known as "helicopter parents," whose lives completely and utterly revolve around their children, often in an unhealthy way. This generation has grown up watching adults revolve their lives around them, the child! Their notion of being an adult is spending every evening playing taxi driver and every weekend at the sporting field, criticizing other adults in their child's life for every slight infraction or perceived injustice. Why would they want to grow up and lose being the center of attention? <br /><br />Thank you for reading this and I would so love to know your thoughts! Congratulations on all of your recent life changes, and please keep up the excellent work. Reading your books and blog, watching your videos - you and your message are so refreshing and inspiring!<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />MelissaMelissaNJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01233799806659960848noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682312585713348709.post-39444323255650613082017-09-16T08:10:27.151-07:002017-09-16T08:10:27.151-07:00Dear Jennifer,
Thank you for this video. All the ...Dear Jennifer,<br /><br />Thank you for this video. All the responses have resonated with me. They are all true to a large degree.<br /><br />I'm glad other readers pointed out the very real challenges young adults face today, too. Even if one is among the more responsible who like the idea of embracing adulthood and are sincerely trying, it's an uphill battle in this culture. If you're "too responsible" or "too proper" and don't embrace the prevailing culture, there's consistent ridicule waiting from perhaps well meaning but more often simply immature peers.<br /> I've always strived to be my own version of Madame Chic in a winsome way, but the cultural resistance you are describing is very real. <br /><br />Same in the romance realm. Finding someone immature to marry is easy, but that makes very few people embrace adulthood permanently. I think that for those who are working to find a spouse who shares their values and are adults, it's better to wait than be in the wrong relationship just so people you barely know think you're an adult. I think if most of us women kept our standards high and embraced being adults, men would step up, too. <br /><br />Getting back to the topic, your video was a reminder for me to not allow myself to slip into the culture of comfort. It's not an easy message to hear all the time, but we need it. I can identify with all the reasons millenials are struggling, and I choose to be an adult. Thank you for reminding me that's a solid choice. <br /><br />Looking forward to more content and congrats on the wardrobe course! Learning and practicing the ten item concept since reading your first book has been a huge help!<br /><br />Kind regards,<br />C <br /><br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15124352138579975475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682312585713348709.post-15341963574845595122017-09-16T05:39:39.583-07:002017-09-16T05:39:39.583-07:00Thus is such a great topic to cover and so true! T...Thus is such a great topic to cover and so true! There are definitely people who act as if they can't cope with life, or @adult." (Yuck, I hate even typing that word.) Also, thank you for answering my questions in my comment from your last post- so kind of you! My items arrived and 1 is perfect, one too big and one too small but exchanges have been ordered! I'm excited about my 10-item wardrobe.Christinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07545356811464668189noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682312585713348709.post-29167924484560619272017-09-15T11:41:15.199-07:002017-09-15T11:41:15.199-07:00Hi Jennifer!
I completely agree with your opinion...Hi Jennifer!<br /><br />I completely agree with your opinion on this one. What I've noticed in particular is the amount of services people of any age hire out now instead of doing them themselves. You get cleaning services, lawncare, nannies, groceries delivered, meal services delivered with the ingredients chopped for you!, personal trainers, etc. , yet you have time to browse social media for hours!! But wait, since you were sitting on your bottom for hours, you now have to work out and then don't have time to chop those veggies. Good thing you have that meal delivery service. If anything, the issue is one of work ethic and respect for yourself and your children. Don't you want to teach your kids how to cook, how to clean up after themselves, how to care for their homes, how to dress, so they know how to care for themselves in the future? I think it's such a disservice to our children to show them that you can hire others to do the work for you. It completely suppresses their desire and need for independence, as well as the adult's. It's so important to have basic life skills and pass them on. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03572451553436214696noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682312585713348709.post-60367650624043377682017-09-15T10:06:43.079-07:002017-09-15T10:06:43.079-07:00Thank you for your post Jennifer - whether it'...Thank you for your post Jennifer - whether it's generational or simply a sign of the times I often wonder. I do find many of my peers (mid-30's +) unable to handle the "hard-stuff" such as a SAHM who's husband arrives home from work later than 6pm, or heaven forbid travels, yet they feel the necessity to spend mornings at the gym, grabbing coffee with girlfriends or getting manicures while their little ones are at pre-school. Their houses are in disarray and some even have husbands who prepare supper when they do arrive home from work. There seems to be an expectation of living lavishly that I can't seem to understand. As a parent, my husband and I are trying to intentionally establish a strong work ethic in our children though sometimes I am so discouraged by the "norm". Thank you for so gracefully sharing your opinion and giving some food for thought to the community :)Margarethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04793144127226114201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682312585713348709.post-78064362249835124242017-09-15T09:45:04.515-07:002017-09-15T09:45:04.515-07:00Hi Jen,
I agree with you on 'adulting'. I...Hi Jen,<br /><br />I agree with you on 'adulting'. I'm 37, married, a working mom, and most of my university friends simply ceased to contact me after I had a child (I'm quite sure it was them, not me). They fall into two categories - either unmarried academics or married academics with no intention of ever having kids. Some of the latter don't even wear wedding bands, because wedding bands are 'uncool'. I guess they find my life simply boring. <br /><br />Re: clothes: I work at school, and few of us dress properly. One of our students recently got to Oxford, and when he got a letter specifying Oxford dress code, he contacted me - a female - to explain it to him. Which, to my mind, proves he had no role model among male teachers. <br /><br />What you're doing is necessary. Looking forward to more videos!<br />EwaEwahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10541836547008151428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682312585713348709.post-47342279062814469272017-09-15T08:46:23.939-07:002017-09-15T08:46:23.939-07:00Hi Jennifer,
I am a long time reader of your blo...Hi Jennifer, <br /><br />I am a long time reader of your blog and of your books. Thank you so much for your insight and inspiration.<br /><br />I am a member of the younger generation as well; however, I do not define myself with just one word. I agree with your statement in this video.<br /><br />I have older parents, from the baby-boomer generation. My parents worked "blue collar" jobs all their life. They were and still are very hard working. I don't believe I ever heard them make the complaint that they couldn't do something on a particular day. Occasionally, they would have rough days at work, but that didn't mean they wouldn't go back or that they would limit themselves after they returned home.<br /><br />My father was a truck driver, retired now, who dressed for work. He would wear slacks, buttoned down shirts, and shined shoes while driving. My mother would wash, fold, and iron his clothes each week and pack them for him. He never wore a wrinkled piece of clothing.<br /><br />My mother was a school cafeteria worker and she always dressed with respect for her job as well. They were never too busy to complete house work, teach me life lessons, or help me with my homework. I know I benefited from their example.<br /><br />I was taught early in life that everyone has a job to do that benefits society in some way. No one person is beneath a job and everyone deserves respect. I started out working at McDonald's, and I have work my way through various jobs, and now have my dream job. I have learned a great deal from my previous experience and hold on to those good and bad learning opportunities. Those learning opportunities were very valuable and I wouldn't be who I am without them.<br /><br />About dressing appropriately, I do believe it's a matter of respect. I recently attended both a wedding and a funeral. At each event I saw people wearing jeans. At the wedding I saw someone wearing yoga/workout wear. I was personally upset by this because I don't think those people were showing proper respect for not only themselves, but for the events, as well. <br /><br />I'm trying to remember to be the change I wish to see in the world.<br /><br />Again, thank you for the inspiration that I think many of us need and benefit from.<br /><br />- EmilyEmhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07102517714811993499noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682312585713348709.post-46246923262178545552017-09-15T07:32:44.942-07:002017-09-15T07:32:44.942-07:00I am not at all surprised by the backlash, as we h...I am not at all surprised by the backlash, as we have become a very whiny and weak society. I thought the video was catchy and funny and did have a bit of exaggerated truth in it. This combo = a parody. <br /><br />I will say that there are definitely some sharp Millennials out there, for sure! However, I have definitely seen my fair share that fit the video to a 'T'. Like the 22 year old I recently heard say "Why would I want to move out on my own into a little apartment when my parent's house is so nice!" And the 26 and 32 year old ladies I work with who have NEVER lived on their own, and have plenty of money to spend on the most ridiculous things.<br /><br />It seems, these days, that it is a badge of honor to be 'young' and to never grow up. And while there are definitely exceptions to this, most people in previous generations couldn't wait to be grown up and out on their own. To be independent in all ways. Nowadays it's hard to get older teens and 20-somethings to even get their driver's license!<br /><br />Someone earlier made a good point, I thought, about how much things cost, and the amount of debt for college, cars, etc... And I quite agree. But here's the thing. To borrow a slogan from my generation, "Just say no!" Going into debt us a choice, it wasn't forced on you. Be willing to live in a 1 room apartment in the not-so-great part of town, and drive a clunker. That's what I did. It's what most of us used to do because we didn't feel we were owed the same lifestyle our parents worked their whole lives for. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com