In my last video on being polished and elegant, many of you requested an in-depth discussion on how to not overreact. How do we remain unbothered and keep our cool when we are actually feeling very heated? Elegant people don't blow a gasket when they are angry. I'm sharing 8 ideas in today's video that will help you keep calm and remain classy... no matter what.
1. When you are angry and prone to overreacting… pause. Do nothing and see what happens.
The Chic Connoisseurs:
“Practice the pause. Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you're about to react harshly and you'll avoid doing and saying things you'll later regret.”― Lori Deschene
2. Analyze how you react to situations, because awareness is the first step: Novelist, Ellen Glasgow said, “What happens is not as important as how you react to what happens.”
Become conscious about how you react to situations. Epictetus said, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”
These quotes are powerful because we can’t control what happens to us. That is out of our control. What we can control is our reaction to these events. Notice patterns in your overreactions… is it with a specific person? Are you triggered by their mere presence? If so, notice that and be extra calm and vigilant around them. Know your triggers.
3. Use their negativity as a motivator for you. Andy Warhol has been a major inspiration for me in this area. He dismissed his critics as not knowing what they were talking about and kept on making art. You do the same and allow other people's negativity to be a motivator for you.
4. Never respond to someone when you are angry. I found some great Chinese proverbs on this one: Anger is always more harmful than the insult that caused it.
(Chinese Proverb)
Never answer a letter while you are angry.
• In the midst of great joy, do not promise anyone anything. In the midst of great anger, do not answer anyone 's letter.
• If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.
5. Gain control of your tongue. This requires self-discipline. Proverbs 21:23 KJV Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles
6. Don’t neglect yourself. If you are sleep-deprived, not taking care of yourself, not eating well… you can easily become a man or woman on the brink. You are going to be extra sensitive and touchy. Take time every day to care for yourself. Afternoon tea, a quiet walk in the garden, time to read a book or paint or do what you love. Refer to my video on not losing yourself as an adult. When you feel a general happiness with your life, you won’t be so touchy to others.
7. Look at the big picture. When you are panicking about society… (and you know I love to panic about society), look at the big picture. I had a lightbulb moment when I was talking to Richard Thompson Ford, the author of Dress Codes. When we were looking at the history of fashion, I decided to be less judgmental about modern dressing sense. I mean, most of it still hurts my eyes, but I have chosen to take a proactive stance on the channel by offering content that can hopefully inspire people to dress better... and that is all I can do.
8. If you pray...Pray! – We are not all the same with our spiritual lives, but if you are a person of faith and pray... don't forget to pray when you feel inclined to overreact! You will receive that peace that passes understanding and often get clarity. If you don't pray, do some practice that is meaningful to you that will help you to calm down.
⚜️ What I'm wearing
Rungolee Porto dress code DailyC for free silk face mask
Jackie Mack Designs necklace TDC15OFF for 15% off
Thank you to The Chic Society for bringing us today's video. The Chic Society is the private membership group on YouTube. Membership is only $1.99 a month. I release a "vodcast" (a video podcast) every Friday and we go live (either on YouTube or Zoom) once a month. There are also two upper tiers who receive recognition in The Chic Assignment check-in.
The Chic Connoisseurs:
A Better Life with KAT (Flylady Cleaning System), AAM Truthteller,
Adrienne Cormier, American Blossom Linens, Alexa Moradi, Alison Jennison-Smith, Amy Kennedy,
A Return to Simplicity, A Sparkling Vintage Life, Amy Thibodeaux, Andrea Saavedra, Andrea Andrei,
Angelika Greenhalgh, Angie Helmly, Anny Schreier, Audrey Coyne, BewitchedCrafts.com, Ausra Mewa,
Beata, Bliss Peterson, Brenda Ramsey, Candace V, Cari Leigh, Caroline Logan, Catarina Alexandra, Catherine Huang, Chantal Brinkies, Chelsea Kochevar, Clare's Classroom, Cyndie Lake, Dawn, Deb Reardon, Deni Murrow, Denise Gende, Diana McNease, Elizabeth Doan, Ellie YG, Elizabeth Yang, Efstathia Kositzidou, Freda Masoud, healthywithluba.com,
Heather Phillips, Helena O, Jackie W, Jane Lynch, Janet Williams, Jasmine Christian, Jeanetta Loubser, Jennifer Fiedel, Jennifer Lamont Leo, Jennifer Timm, jkp62, Judy Moore, Katherine Williams, Kathy Feliciano, Katie Kolodzy, Kimberly Campbell,
Lakeisha Bell Cadogan, Lenora Ellis, Liliedaisy, Lois Shank- Retiree,
Loraine Tadman, Lori Skees,
Maria Gerlicz-Pogorzelska, Mary Lewis, Marija B. Bingula, Space.For.Home, Marybeth Nelson,
Megan Lawrence, Melanie Adkins, Melanie Riddle, Mama Mitzey, Maria Gerszewski,
Melinda Loustalot, Melissa Ricci, Mercy Burton Russell, Michele Kieffer, Michele Pokorsky,
Michelle Henderer, Michelle the Italiagal, Monica F, Monique Egelhoff, Monique Hernandez, Natalie Schultz,
Not-So Desperate Housewives, Olivia Johnson, Pamela Gunger, Paula Ellis, Paula Johnson, P C,
Petra Willnecker,
Raye Cage, Rebecca Faltot, Rita Fernandes, Rona, Rosh S., Sandra Light, Sarah Vitsas,
S.E. Spracher - Author of Chewy Marmot , Scott Rea, Shannon Biddy, Sharon Smith,
Sheila Hopfensperger, Shelly Cabler aka "The Art of This & That",
Shelly Kirby, Sonya Sylvester, Stacy Smith, The Simple Swan, Sue Parker,
Susan Keyes, Tina Grose, Tammy Griffin, This and That with Denise Jordan,
Tiki Pié, Tracy The Tea Lady, Veronica Staudt, Wendy Cassara, Wendy Somerville, Wilma Dean, Yen Lee, Zauger, Zuzaienka23
The Elegant Connoisseurs
Amanda Dykes, Author
Amiee Floor, Azalia Spa Goods
Brandi Still, Silhouette Artist
Jenny Williams, Carrot Top Paper Shop
Elaine Brisebois, Certified Nutritionist
Ashley Buffa Freedom Moms Smart Kid Chore System
Nikki Moreno - Inspired by Nikki
Julie Kolman - My Confident Closet
Kari Vanhoozer, author of 'Tis the Season for Poetry: Through the Year with Poems and Activities for Children and their Families
Nicole Brignolle - Founder of Lovely Bits
Rosenda Valenzuela - Little Pink Casa
Mrs. Shockley - A Home for Elegance
Michelle Rohr - The Secret OWL Society digital planners
The Shortbread Family - Allen's Scottish Shortbread
Mrs. TJ Sturm, Sturm Brothers Jewelry
Cherish Flieder- Something to Cherish
Vicel Victoria - JAFRA Beauty Consultant
Katherine Rae
Carli Thom - Living in Loveliness
Caroline Haydu
Guy Blaise
Isabelle Clabaut
Janice Leitner
Jen Carlson
Jet Rowley-Herron
Jina Kay Kenry
Jenny Candelaria
Juliet Keeler-LeBien
Linda Eklof
Marie Caudill
Maria Conder
Melissa M
Prudently at Home
News
📍The Chic Assignment is on hold for the month of August as I will be taking a two-week break from YouTube and the blog. We will resume the assignments in September.
📍Please note: the blog will be under construction and moving to Wordpress very soon. I'll make the announcement with more details as soon as I can. Those of you who get this blog delivered into your email might see a temporary pause in email notifications. Thank you for your patience.
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Comment of the Week
Titus2Woman writes, "I have to tell you that you have inspired me in so many ways.
I now always use tablecloths
I got rid of my very old daily dishes that were chipped and am now using my China as our daily dishes.
I just bought new underwear!
Thank you Jennifer for the videos you do and all the motivation to always use our best."Thank you for sharing your testimonial with me. I'm so happy that the blog has inspired you in so many ways.
I hope you enjoyed this latest lesson on Elegance. Let us know how you avoid overreacting and your comment could be chosen as comment of the week on the blog. Have a wonderful day and I'll see you on Thursday!
Love,
Jennifer
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10 comments:
Great content as usual Jennifer! You would love the book "How to resolve the Seven Deadly Stresses" edited by Dr Steven Paine, it's pricy but you can get it second hand. The book states "What we think, say and do has more effect on our health than our diet." That statement falls right in line with God's Word. This entire book is written and edited by Christian medical doctors and speaks about how other health conditions develop- a truly excellent resource.
Keep up the classy, much needed content you curate, it's always a joy to see a new video in my inbox!
Lisa
Great content as usual Jennifer! You would love the book "How to resolve the Seven Deadly Stresses" edited by Dr Steven Paine, it's pricy but you can get it second hand. The book states "What we think, say and do has more effect on our health than our diet." That statement falls right in line with God's Word. This entire book is written and edited by Christian medical doctors and speaks about how other health conditions develop- a truly excellent resource.
Keep up the classy, much needed content you curate, it's always a joy to see a new video in my inbox!
Lisa
Wonderful video today. Please keep addressing the subject of elegance in modern day society.
A very timely video. I overreacted yesterday at Buffalo Wild Wings with my boyfriend, who is an extrovert with many friends, and frequently wants to stay and keep talking with friends who arrive, but I was ready to go. We had already cashed out twice and then more friends showed up and he wanted to stay. His friends could see that I wanted to go, so talked him out of another drink and said, "happy wife, happy life" and I ended up saying I would never be his wife! That environment is definitely a trigger for me. I'm an introvert and would rather be home doing things. Earlier in the day, I saw an elegant older lady get out of her car at Kohl's and immediately thought how ladylike she was and how rare that is. Ladies really stand out in our society! I truly want to be more ladylike and control my tongue and anger, but it's easier said than done, and I get mad at myself. I will make a stronger effort to be the person I want to be.
Well said on every point. Sometimes people try to spark an argument with me(not a respectful debate but a heated argument).I believe that for some people, confrontation gives them a thrill. With such persons, I DO NOT ENGAGE. I keep conversation polite but will not get sucked into an argument. I don't need that stress in my life. A prayer for them and move on...Hopefully the way I live my life gets my point across more powerfully than any words in an argument would.
Great video - honest, sympathetic, full of practical tips...why I've been watching this channel since the beginning! One thing that has really helped me a lot is to remember that with rare exception, I'm in relationships for the long-haul. I like long-term friendships that span decades. My secret is to remind myself that conflict is inevitable in every relationship, and so I just try to ride out the tension when it happens and remember how happy I will be when the friendship has endured for another twenty years.
Not every encounter has become a friendship, and not every friendship has become a long-term one. But I'm glad that I've not said the mean things I've thought, because I've often re-encountered people out and about. How nice it is so be able to meet them with confidence and genuine goodwill.
I do have some family members who try to "troll" me every so often, and when that happens, I remind myself of some advice from St. Teresa of Avila, who wrote that you get to a point when you hear others speaking poorly of you, and it's as if they're speaking of someone else. That's how much effect it has on you.
Great video, Jennifer. Thank you. God bless you and your beautiful family!
Good morning,
very useful video again, especially for mother of teenager, like I am.
Vierka, Slovak republic
This video was literally a breath of fresh air for me today. It seems I run into more and more people ready to jump straight into controversy over something I don't agree with, or sometimes I don't even know the reason they are just on edge when I meet them. It's hard sometimes to be patient and non-judgemental when there are people who go into attack mode so easily. It is in my nature to be a peace-maker, but I don't always know how to do that. Your video on remaining unbothered has motivated me to not give in or give up. You gave me some good ideas to try, good words to remember and work with. Plus, it is very encouraging to be reminded there are a lot of people, like those who follow your channel, being "elegant"! Thank you!
Thank you so much for watching and commenting, ladies. It has been so great to find a community where we can relate to each other and get through all of this together. Thank you! ~ Jennifer
Jennifer,
Please consider writing a book about living the elegant life. I have read and reread all of your other books. This world is so stressful and unhappy right now and helping us to make a difference is so inspiring.
This video was superb.
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