# confidence # Reader Questions Answered

Comparing Yourself to Other Women? Reader Q&A

The final pre-recorded Q&A is up today. I have really enjoyed publishing this content and staying in touch with you, while still caring for our newborn baby. He is doing great, by the way!

Today's question comes from Georgina, who asks a question about comparing yourself to other women. I hope you check out my video to see my full response. If you are unable to see the video above, click here, look in the sidebar of this blog, or visit my channel: www.youtube.com/TheDailyConnoisseur

Thank you to the Polish readers for your wonderful reception of Polish Your Poise with Madame Chic!

Polish fashion and lifestyle writer, Kasia Tusk, reviews the third Madame Chic book on her excellent blog, Make Life Easier.

Here is some promotional artwork from the Polish publishers that discusses facebook etiquette, texting and staring at your smartphone.

Book News
Congratulations to my friends, Cliff Simon and Loren Stephens, on the publication of their book, Paris Nights: My Year at the Moulin Rouge. This book shares a behind the scenes look at the Moulin Rouge from a man's perspective.

Little did Cliff Simon know that a single phone call and a one-way ticket to Paris would ultimately change his life forever. Now the acclaimed television and film actor shares his journey from Johannesburg to the Moulin Rouge to Hollywood in his debut memoir, Paris Nights: My Year at the Moulin Rouge.
From a young age Cliff Simon knew he was headed towards big places. Having grown up as both a skilled gymnast and a competitive swimmer, performance was in his blood. But with the onset of Apartheid and the looming threat of war, he and his Jewish family soon retreated from Johannesburg, South Africa to the London countryside. Before he knew it, he joined the British swim team and was near Olympics-bound with a full-ride offer to a United States university. But something wasn't quite right. Instead, Cliff returned home and enlisted in the South African Air Force. Cliff's habit of impulsive risk-taking would continue but ultimately pave the foundation for an experience most of us would only dream of.
After he was honorably discharged, twenty-seven-year-old Cliff worked a series of odd jobs at a resort near the Indian Ocean until he received a phone call from an old friend inviting him to join him at the iconic Moulin Rouge. Here begins the story of Cliff's meteoric rise at the Moulin from swing dancer to principal in the glamour filled show, Formidable; his offstage encounters with street thugs and diamond smugglers; and the long nights filled with after parties and his pick of gorgeous women. Encounter the magic, the mayhem, and the glory that was and still is the Moulin Rouge.

Congratulations, Cliff and Loren!


Diane writes:

Hello Jennifer, It would be a year ago that I watched your Ted lecture on the 10 Item Wardrobe. I was fascinated and loved the idea, so I bought and read your first book, and have been working on incorporating so many elements that you present in my daily life since then! What a joy you are! I love your honesty and transparency in your weekly messages and feel each time like I am catching up with a dear friend! Thank you Jennifer for being a voice of common sense and elegance. I am looking forward to reading your other books and hope that your message of everyday beauty continues to spread!

Dear Diane, Thank you for your lovely testimony! I am happy to hear that the books and blog have impacted your life in such a positive way. I love my readers and feel that you are all dear friends as well. Have a wonderful week.

This week I would love to know your thoughts on comparing yourself to other women. Do you struggle with this? Do you have daughters, friends or family members who struggle with this? Let us know your opinions in the comment section below and your comment could be chosen as comment of the week!

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Loren Stephens said...

Dear Jennifer. Merci beaucoup. So appreciate your shout out for our book, "Paris Nights." You are the best. Loren Stephens

The Wool Fairy said...

Whenever I find myself feeling a bit down on myself compared to others I repeat this quote by Theodore Roosevelt, "Comparison is the thief of joy." It snaps me out of the funk quite quickly! It's a good one to keep top of mind. Thanks for another great video Jennifer!

Bluebelle said...

I needed to hear that today. I'm glad I clicked onto it and listened. Being a school run mum is hard. Being true to myself like you say, has been my new mantra today and this week going fwd!!
Love to you and the family, I hope you visit us all soon!! Love from sarah (Scott)

Dianna said...

Congratulations on your new baby. I hope you find plenty of time to enjoy him!

Comparison is hard for me—and I think it is for all of us, especially women. I don't just compare my looks to others, I compare my house, my diet, my lifestyle, my kids—it never ends! One thing I've learned in the last five years is that the only person I can compare myself to is myself. How am I doing this year compared to last year? What am I doing so that I will have improved myself when I look back at myself next year?

I have found the website Beauty Redefined invaluable for re-educating me about what the media is and why we feel so much pressure to look a certain way.

Akila Venkatesh said...

Dianna...thank you for the link to the Beauty Redefine website! It's great! A must-read for all daily connoisseurs and women!

Anonymous said...

It can be very difficult, for me anyway, to not compare myself to others or to not want the life I see others have... but I must remember, the life they portray on Instagram is just the highlights. Thank you Jennifer for this lovely reminder, and thank you for doing a question from a fellow Aussie!

Susan said...

I recently had the opportunity to have a private consulatation with a professional make-up artist representing a high end cosmetic line. During the appointment I lamented my imperfect and aging complexion. To my surprise the consultant told me that perfection should not be the goal of one's beauty regime, as it is unattainable. She further let the cat out of the bag, by telling me that many of the models used in ad campaigns for the cosmetic line she represents are in their teens, made up to look older than their actual years . . . and then air brushed and photoshopped! Well, there is no competing with that in the real world! I hope your young readers will find a way to relieve themselves from the pressure of trying to attain what is actually unattainable. As a postscript, I once saw an interview with Cindy Crawford in which she said that SHE didn't even look like Cindy Crawford when she woke up in the morning.
Your's is a refreshing voice, Jennifer. I enjoy your posts and videos and recommend them to others whenever I have the opportunity.

Anonymous said...

Hi Jennifer - this was a lovely video, as always. I just turned 28 this year and I feel I still sometimes struggle with this same phenomenon. I try to be mindful of who I follow on Instagram, following only "real" people rather than celebs or people whose lives are so "beautified" that it is obviously not realistic. This is the same reason I do not have a Pinterest account. It is the same reason I never purchase women's magazines. I try to be very cognizant of what I let influence myself because if I am not careful, suddenly I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself rather than feeling thankful and blessed at the beautiful life I have created!!

This does tie in to one question I have, however...and it is something I have been struggling with for a while. As a younger woman, who has recently made a lot of changes in my life, the next change I want to make is to begin to eat healthier and work out. However, I am having a hard time "reconciling" the idea of doing this, along with living a Madame Chic lifestyle. I know Madame Chic probably would not have done workout videos at home in her sports bra or meal-prepped on Sundays so she has healthy foods to take to work, however, I must also be realistic. I was wondering if you could share your thoughts on remaining true to the Madame Chic lifestyle, while starting a formal workout program (at home or at the gym) and doing things like meal prepping, eating 4-5 times per day (as advocated for health), etc. I would greatly appreciate it!!

The Wool Fairy said...

Hi Candice. I hope you don't mind me chiming in here. I agree with you on being selective about who you follow on social media and keeping things in perspective with respect to what is real. Regarding exercise, I think you need to do what makes you feel happy and healthy and that is the secret to attaining that joie de vivre. For some people that is the daily walking of errands. For others like me it is my daily runs and structured workouts. I love finding ways to fit the Madame Chic lifestyle into my situation, but I also don't give up the areas that truly bring me joy.

Anonymous said...

This is why I no longer buy/read fashion and beauty magazines. I would always get depressed after reading them of late (something that didn't happen in earlier years.) I realized it was the constant bombardment of the message "You aren't good enough... until you buy THIS!" Yes, there has always been advertising, but lately it seems to be going for the jugular, not telling us that "you will be better with this," but that "you aren't good enough without it." I now read books about beauty and fashion rather than magazines. The content isn't motivated by advertising dollars, but is what the author actually thinks. And, no, the advice isn't time-sensitive, as true style is timeless, not subject to fads and trends.

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Rita said...

Jennifer, about ten years ago I needed to have a professional photo done. The photographer told me then that high school students are now having their graduation pictures photoshopped!And I recall reading an article saying that young men now have the expectation that their girlfriends are supposed to look like the models on magazine covers!I guess it's one of those trends that has to get to an extreme before it gets back to a happy medium.

Emma Knight Peel said...

Comparison is the death of joy. I recently saw a quote that said, "Admire another's beauty without questioning your own." I love that! In the past, I've admired the beauty of other women and immediately tried to make myself look more like them. Now, I know what enhances my own beauty and what doesn't work, and I can admire someone else's qualities without trying to adopt them.

Valerie said...

Thank you for the topic. I too struggle with comparing myself with others. I have very fair skin and in my early 20s I would lay out burn and have a tan that faded faster than I could keep up with. I've given that up now I work on accepting myself for what I am. Coco Chanel said "There are no ugly woman in the world only lazy ones" and I love this, I see the potential in every woman but the crazy thing is I then will say to myself " I like how she is blank and I would be prettier if I had that quality too". It's something I work on every day. The most beautiful women are the ones who have thrown out self sabotage and they usually are not perfect, actually they seem to have quirks that make them unique. For me it's an inside job. Warm well wishes to you and your family Jennifer.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for that comment and good idea about the books instead of magazines.

Brittany Ebersole said...

I have always struggled with comparing myself to other women, even to the young teenage women that I teach daily! Whether it is youth, energy, body type, skin type, etc. I have always seen value in others and not myself. This summer on my school holiday I have truly taken to loving who I am and being happy with how I look. I am not saying I don't have an off day, but in between telling myself daily that I am amazing and wonderful, plus incorporating some of your tips from your books/blog I feel happier and more at peace in my life. It is almost unnerving. I don't worry as much anymore about little things. The list I would take to prayer is shorter and filled with more thanksgiving and praise than petitions and stress.

Thank you so much for you books. I can't believe I am just now reading them. Where were you when I was just entering college?! Where were you when I was freshly married?!

You are a breath of fresh air. I talk about you to my husband like you are a best friend. Please continue to write, blog, and make YouTube videos. I will be forever grateful.

From a Southern Louisiana girl to your South Cali self, may you always have air conditioning and your makeup never melt.

Anonymous said...

Thank you!

Anonymous said...

Thank you!

Julia Dembek said...

Hello Jennifer!
We are grateful for your amazing books in Poland! I read all your three books, although I'm only 16. I was very charmed by your first book ( I think I read it about 3 times):). Many young people forget about being classy, so I think that you could ever think of granting some advice to your younger audience :).

Thank you for everything,
Best regards, Julia

Julia Dembek said...

Hello Jennifer!
We are grateful for your amazing books in Poland! I read all your three books, although I'm only 16. I was very charmed by your first book ( I think I read it about 3 times):). Many young people forget about being classy, so I think that you could ever think of granting some advice to your younger audience :).

Thank you for everything,
Best regards, Julia