6.14.2021

# Daily Connoisseur # Etiquette

Rude Questions Part 2 | Observations and Reaction

 



My initial post sharing 5 rude questions and how to respond, received a tremendous response from The Daily Connoisseur audience (and beyond!). It seems that most people have one question they have been asked (or asked repeatedly) that grates on them over time. 


I received an outpouring of comments, both public and private, about your life experiences with these questions. In today's video I'm sharing my observations and reactions. 

There are a few key takeaways that I'll write about here, but I do encourage you to watch the video to hear a more in-depth discussion. 

⚜️Don't put yourself down when met with a rude question. Many people said their response to "When are you due?" was, "I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat!" You don't need to put yourself down in order to make light of the intrusive question. 

⚜️Avoid saying something rude back. It can be so tempting. Sooo tempting, sometimes, to say something rude to someone who is rude to you. But avoid this temptation and take the high road. You will never regret it and will come off as a class act.

⚜️Wanting privacy does not equal being ashamed. It is perfectly acceptable to guard your information when you first meet someone. People need to show themselves approved to us before we trust them with information about ourselves. Follow your instinct. Some people might accuse you of being ashamed of who you are if you don't want to share various aspects of your life. Don't pay those people any attention. They will try to shame you into feeling bad for wanting to maintain your privacy. Don't fall for it. 

⚜️What I'm Wearing


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Thank you for joining me for today's video. I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Your comment could be chosen as comment of the week on the blog. 

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7 comments:

Unknown said...

I'm so happy you mentioned the question, "what do you do for a living?" I do not like sharing that I'm an RN. Immediately, strangers start telling me about their health issues or what I think about certain procedures. At an event one time, a woman cornered me for 45 minutes to tell me about her health issue. I didn't even get to enjoy the event. Sometimes I ponder replying, I'd be happy to talk about your issue, but that will be $75...:) So for your readers, if you find someone is a health care provider, please don't bombard them with your health issues. Blessings Stacie

Adventures said...

Very well done! This follow up was amazing. You addressed both how to respond when dealt rude questions and showed the other side - why the questions are rude. I think it's so true that when repeatedly asked the same things, it can wear on you over time. I love the ending when you say if you feel like tossing off a salty response, think of me and the Daily Connoisseur community and everyone in the comments because you are not along and we are striving to be elegant and classy. Take the high road! There have been times when I have thought of the Daily Connoisseur, taken a deep breath and smiled inside, and tried to do the classy and right thing, whether it could be my own attitude needing an adjustment or needing to get busy with some productive housework. A follow up on good conversation starters would be excellent because learning to have intelligent conversation is an art skill, and does take forethought and practice. Thank you for all of this and the reminder that we are here to lift one another up.

WC said...

I’m very horrified to say that I am one of the people who asked you about your ethnic background when I met you in person. Honestly I was so struck by your beauty and I thought I asked politely about your ethnic heritage. Please accept my apology. I am completely embarrassed and won’t ever ask that again to anyone.

My husband is from a non-western culture and in his culture some of the questions you mentioned are commonly asked and considered a way of showing care and concern. That might be a helpful perspective to keep as well.

The Daily Connoisseur said...

Unknown- I got stressed reading your story about the woman cornering you for 45 minutes about her health issues! Something for us all to learn from. Thank you!

Adventures- Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed the video and will think of the DC community when facing trials.

WC- Please don't worry! I am mostly referencing when men have asked me. As I mentioned in the video, it makes me uncomfortable but many people have asked at in-person events and that doesn't bother me at all.

Thank you for watching, ladies!

~ Jennifer

Carey said...

Hi Jennifer, I love your videos. When listening to this video it reminded me of a funny thing that happened to me. My second and third daughters are very close together in age. In fact, I returned to work from maternity leave pregnant. One of the people I worked with, a nun, ask me if I was pregnant again. I responded that, "Yes, I was pregnant, again." She then asked me if I know how that happens. I laughed and went back to my task. That night, I related what happened to my husband, and he said that I should have responded to her question with, "Do you know how that happens?"

The next day I saw her again. She was with a friend, also a nun, and she related what had transpired the day before. I told her that my husband said I should have asked her right back, "Do you know how that happens?" She laughed and said, "Honey, I've only heard rumors!" We all had a good laugh, and I was so glad that she had a good sense of humor too.

Unknown said...

Hello Jennifer,

Interesting topic. I have a problem. I am 37 and my body is thin with small breasts. Guys who are interested in me are making rude comments: don’t get more skinny or making Jokes that i look like a shelf. I have a normaal weight and most of these Guys are obese.
The problem I experience is that if when I respond with class and élégance they think it is ok to say rude things. My father told me to behalve more like an itialian women so they Will no bother me longer. What do you think?

Unknown said...

I am new here and you continue to impress me with your insights! It is so true that a desire for privacy is not shame. We suffered secondary infertility for five years so our children are seven years apart. As active Catholics we sometimes get rude questions about the number of children we have and their ages. I do not want to discuss my reproductive history even though I am so thankful for the special way we finally had our second child, which I will share anonymously here, through embryo donation. It is something I almost never share unless I know someone well and know they or someone they know is struggling with infertility and looking for solutions. It is our second child’s story to share, not ours. And it really doesn’t matter among casual acquaintances. So although I am the opposite of ashamed of how we had our second child, I keep it private.